How to Help an Alcoholic Friend


In England, there are an estimated 602,391 ‘dependent drinkers.’ Out of these people, only 18% are currently in treatment. This indicates that over three-quarters of alcoholics are receiving the support they need. This can be due to a lack of access to support or even to addictions going undetected. Those closest to us are often the first to acknowledge a concern. As friends and family, we can often have an insight that our loved ones can lack. We can be just distant enough to gain perspective without being so far away that we miss what is happening. This makes friends well-positioned to help those struggling with risky drinking. However, doing so can be daunting, and many people find themselves needing advice.

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Do I have an alcoholic friend?

Sometimes, the line between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic can be difficult to distinguish. This is especially true for so-called ‘high-functioning alcoholics,’ people with drinking problems who appear to ‘mask’ their symptoms. This can often lead to addictions going unnoticed for periods– particularly in the context of British drinking culture.

In a society that regularly drinks past the recommended alcohol intake (with an average of 18 units a week as opposed to the proposal of 14) it can sometimes be tricky to spot when drinking becomes an issue. If this is the case, then how do we identify when a friend may be falling into alcoholic tendencies?

Recognising the signs

The essential thing to remember is that addiction is more than just drinking a lot. Addiction is a dependency. This means that alcoholics may struggle to give up alcohol even when they can acknowledge that it is causing them some harm. Addictions act on several levels – they impact our physical, neurobiological and psychological functioning. This makes it very hard to break the cycle. But what does alcohol addiction actually look like from the outside?

  • Increased drinking (drinking stronger beverages, in larger amounts, more often)
  • Using alcohol to cope
  • Dramatic shifts in mood
  • Short-tempered
  • Frequently being ill
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Changes to eating habits (and related weight change)
  • Unexplained aches and pains
  • Sore or red eyes
  • Social withdrawal
  • Socialising with new people
  • Being unnecessarily defensive or combative
  • Arguing with loved ones
  • Sudden difficulties at work or school
  • Financial difficulties

Some dealing with an alcohol addiction may also experience the following withdrawal symptoms in between periods of drinking:

  • Nausea
  • Headaches
  • Tremors
  • Difficulty maintaining body temperature
  • Anxiety
  • Irritability
  • Seizures

How to help an alcoholic friend

An addiction is a difficult thing to handle. Naturally, as friends, we wish to help those around us who are struggling. But when they are dealing with something as complex as alcoholism, it can be hard to know how to address things. There are four key things you can do to help support a friend.

Pitching your approach appropriately

Addiction comes with a lot of intense emotions. These can include sadness, guilt, shame or anger. This difficulty with emotional regulation can make people respond to us in unexpected ways. In order to reduce the risk of this, it is important to ensure that any conversations we have around addiction are appropriately pitched. To do this, you can consider the following elements:

  • Try to avoid making assumptions
  • Speak from a place of objective fact (i.e. the amount that they have been drinking) rather than an opinion
  • Try not to comment on or pass judgement
  • Emphasise that your concern comes from a place of support
  • Offer space for them to come to you when needed
  • Practise active listening
  • Keep an even tone
  • Try not to shout or swear

Accessing support network

One way to assist your friend is to encourage them to access their existing social network. This can help them to feel supported and cared for by those around them. Social support is associated with improved addiction recovery outcomes, meaning that our networks are vital. You can encourage your friend to speak to other people, including mutual friends and their partner’s family members. You may even offer to help them in planning their approach to these individuals.

Assisting in accessing professional support

The idea of accessing treatment for mental health difficulties still carries some level of stigma for a lot of individuals. The same can be said for addiction treatment. This means that friends often need to help demystify rehab as a scary place. You can assist in doing this through:

  • Researching addiction support options
  • Providing resources to your friend
  • Offering to attend appointments with them

Setting boundaries

When we are concerned about someone, we can sometimes let them ‘get away’ with more in an effort to give them an easier ride. In the context of addiction, however, a lack of boundaries can be very dangerous. You can establish boundaries whilst still being supportive. This could look like:

  • Not allowing your friend to drink in your house
  • Organising social occasions in alcohol-free places
  • Refusing to purchase alcohol for your friend
  • Refusing to borrow money to your friend
  • Refusing to lie about or otherwise cover up their behaviour

Whilst this may seem harsh, it is a way of establishing that these types of behaviours are harmful. If boundaries are too loose, then your friend could risk slipping deeper into addiction, and you may also find yourself being taken advantage of. This could be seen as a type of ‘aiding and abetting’ that could further complicate this situation. By having firm boundaries, you reduce this risk and position yourself in a position of support rather than complicity.

Supporting yourself

When someone around is struggling, most of the time, our instinct is to prioritise their wellbeing. Whilst this is a sign of good nature and true friendship, if this occurs for a prolonged period of time, then it can come to the detriment of our health. When we support others with any kind of difficulty, engaging in restorative activities that allow us to feel more like ourselves is essential. Some therapists explain these types of replenishing behaviours as putting holes in the ‘stress bucket.’ While the source of stress may not disappear, these types of activities can help us prevent our stress from overflowing.

Some potential methods of doing so include:

  • Making sure you are not the only person involved in your friend’s recovery journey
  • Focusing on eating good, regular nutrition
  • Setting healthy sleep routines
  • Reserve time for yourself
  • Reduce coffee, energy drinks and other caffeinated substances
  • Engage with mindfulness
  • Try journalling
  • Engage with hobbies
  • Be clear about whether you are unavailable (i.e. during night or important meetings)
  • Reach out for advice

Get help

At Primrose Lodge, we know that addiction is a very heavy weight to bear alone. This is why we strive to offer the best specialist, confidential support in the sector.  We provide individuals struggling with dependency the opportunity to engage with innovative treatment. Our rehab programmes are fully flexible and unique to you. From addiction counselling to monitored detox, all our interventions are facilitated by clinical professionals. Take the first steps towards lightening the load of addiction by contacting our team for a confidential consultation.

(Click here to see works cited)

  • https://alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/fact-sheets/alcohol-statistics
  • https://alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/fact-sheets/alcohol-statistics
  • https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/researchers-identify-alcoholism-subtypes
  • https://alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/fact-sheets/drinking-trends-in-the-uk#:~:text=Today%2C%20average%20consumption%20per%20adult,behaviours%20are%20fixed%20or%20unchanging
  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK424849/
  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK424849/
  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6761824/
  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10087816/
  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9915149/
  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6803054/
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