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Last Updated:
January 29th, 2025
Alcohol abuse has palpable effects on our physical and mental health. This can lead excessive drinkers to feel very unwell, which, in turn, can impact their behaviour. Many close family and friends describe experiencing living with an addict as like seeing their loved one suddenly change. We cannot predict how alcohol will affect how we act. This makes it particularly difficult when we reside with someone battling alcohol addiction. A 2016 research paper explains that ‘often, the family members of alcoholics suffer intense psychological and social trauma due to the core drinking problem of the family member.’ Given that 1 in 5 adults have experienced harm due to ‘the drinking of another person in the previous 12 months,’ we can see that living with an alcoholic can carry significant risk. Knowing how best to manage this can give you greater confidence in supporting yourself in this complex situation.
Dealing with addiction denial
You may notice that your loved one may be unable to accept that they have a problem. It is more than likely that you have tried to discuss alcohol use more than once and have found that this conversation was not particularly well received. This is often linked to a psychological phenomenon known as addiction denial. Addiction is a type of reliance. When, at the moment, it feels like alcohol is soothing us, it can be very difficult to accept that it can actually be causing more harm. This type of thinking error is known as a cognitive distortion, and it can be linked to both psychological and neurological changes that occur during addiction formation. Whilst this type of denial is common, it can be very difficult for the other members of a household to deal with. It can lead to conflicting feelings such as anger, guilt, sadness and confusion. Often, denial needs to be addressed in order for recovery potential to increase.
How can alcohol addiction impact a household?
Addiction does not exist in a vacuum. Whilst alcoholism is perceived in the ‘context of an individual [it] affects the family as a whole.’ This is primarily because addiction chronically impacts a person’s life, altering their physical health, mental wellbeing, level of distress tolerance, behaviours and social engagements. Addiction is like a wave washing over a person – it can leave them temporarily encompassed, as though being pushed and pulled by an underlying current. This can leave people to act in ways that others may not understand. In the context of the family home, this increases the risk of the following issues:
- Violence
- Anger
- Verbal abuse
- Health concerns
- Financial difficulties
- Emotional strain
Violence
In one paper surveying the impact of domestic abuse, 63.5% of a population of wives reported facing injury following violence at the hands of alcoholic husbands. In England and Wales, alcohol is estimated to be involved in around 1.2 million incidents of violence. This equates to over half of violent crimes committed. This violence can extend outwards to emergency services, staff in other sectors or even close friends. But more often than not, this violence manifests itself in the home.
One survey indicates that alcohol-related violence can take several forms.
- 3.4% said they felt ‘physically threatened’
- 0.7% said they had been forced to engage in a sexual act
- 23% of those forced to engage in a sexual act reported that this was by their partner
Anger
Addiction can catalyse a huge jumble of emotions. One of the key ones, however, is anger. Anger can be related to irritability and discomfort linked to withdrawal symptoms. But drugs like alcohol can also heighten aggression by slowing the speed at which we process things. This can lead to reduced inhibitions and more impulsive behaviour spurred on by an increase in angry feelings.
Verbal abuse
Linked to both anger and violence is verbal abuse. When we are in intense psychological states, we may say things that we regret. Many people living with an alcoholic may find themselves victims of searing words. This can include swearing, slurs, or insults. This can damage trust and create palpable fraying in a relationship and family unit.
Health concerns
Excessive drinking takes a toll on our bodies. With an increased risk of specific cancers, heart attacks and stroke, the health effects of addiction can really play on the mind of someone living with an alcoholic.
Financial difficulties
Addiction and finances have a complex relationship. Economic hardship can be linked with the onset of drug use. However, addiction can then act to deplete available funds further, leading to a particularly vicious cycle that can be a very difficult burden to bear. This can lead to financial abuse on top of concerns about managing a household and paying bills.
The emotional impact
A survey conducted by Public Health England identified that the ‘most common harms’ linked with alcohol-related harm include:
- Not being able to sleep at night
- Feeling uncomfortable
- Feeling anxious
- Concerns about socialising due to embarrassment
Safeguarding your own mental health
When someone is in the throes of addiction, we can often feel like we need to give them all of ourselves in order to support them. While caring for our loved ones is important, it is essential to recognise that we need to implement measures to safeguard ourselves in such a difficult time. We cannot support others if we are depleted. However, we need to remember that we are also experiencing this situation and deserve to be adequately treated. Remembering this can help us to self-protect when we need to.
This could look like:
- Set boundaries around drinking in the home
- Set boundaries around acceptable standards of behaviour and language
- Accessing your own support network
- Making time for yourself
- Practising mindfulness
- Accessing therapy
- Focusing on your physical health
- Journalling or gratitude diaries
- Speaking to an addiction specialist
- Not lying about or covering up the behaviour of your loved one
- Contacting 999 if you feel unsafe
Find support
Living with someone battling addiction can be incredibly difficult. There may be periods where you feel unsafe or on edge in your own home. Over time, this can begin to wear you down. This makes it essential to build a strong support system in this situation. Whilst the situation may feel very isolating, you are not alone. Prioritising your safety and wellbeing is not selfish – it is a necessity. There are many resources available to people living with an alcoholic. To speak to a clinical professional regarding your loved one, contact the Primrose Lodge team for free, sensitive and confidential advice.
Living with an alcoholic? Get help
At Primrose Lodge, we know that addiction is a very heavy weight to bear alone. This is why we strive to offer the best specialist, confidential support in the sector. We provide individuals struggling with dependency the opportunity to engage with innovative treatment. Our rehab programmes are fully flexible and unique to you. From addiction counselling to monitored detox, all our interventions are facilitated by clinical professionals. Take the first steps towards lightening the load of addiction by contacting our team for an initial consultation.
(Click here to see works cited)
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5248422/
- https://ukhsa.blog.gov.uk/2019/06/12/new-evidence-on-alcohol-related-harm-to-people-other-than-the-drinker/
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- https://ukhsa.blog.gov.uk/2019/06/12/new-evidence-on-alcohol-related-harm-to-people-other-than-the-drinker/
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