A Guide for Families Dealing With Addiction

When someone you love is struggling with addiction, the impact reaches far beyond just that person. Families often find themselves constantly worried and exhausted, unsure how to help without making things worse. You may feel that your own life has become consumed by someone else’s illness, and you wouldn’t be wrong to feel that way. Supporting someone with an alcohol or drug addiction can be physically and emotionally draining, depleting all the energy needed to be there for them during recovery.

This guide is designed to help you understand what you’re facing, offer practical strategies for supporting your loved one, and remind you that your own well-being matters too.

Understanding addiction as a family illness

Addiction doesn’t happen in isolation. It affects everyone connected to the person, with the impacts often staying hidden at first. But research consistently shows that living with a loved one’s addiction contributes to mental health difficulties among family members. One systematic review of studies on families affected by addiction also found that relatives commonly experience physical symptoms, including fatigue, sleep problems, and physical weakness.

It is important to recognise that these responses are normal, and you’re not weak or over-reacting. The chronic stress of living with uncertainty, broken promises, difficult home situations, and the fear of what might happen can take a genuine toll on health. Many family members develop anxiety or depression without connecting it to their loved one’s substance use.

But understanding drug or alcohol addiction as an illness rather than a choice can help change your perspective. Your loved one is not behaving this way to hurt you, even when their actions cause real harm. Drug, alcohol and behavioural addictions like gambling change the brain so it prioritises substance use or certain activities above relationships, responsibilities, and self-preservation. This doesn’t excuse harmful behaviour, but it can help explain why rational arguments and emotional appeals so often fail.

The difference between helping and enabling

One of the hardest things for families to work out is where the line sits between supporting someone and enabling their addiction to continue.

The American Psychological Association defines enabling as contributing to continued maladaptive behaviour in another person. This typically happens when family members, often without realising it, shield their loved one from the consequences of their substance use. Common enabling behaviours include:

• Making excuses for them to employers or friends
• Paying off debts caused by their addiction
• Covering up incidents
• Taking over responsibilities they’ve abandoned

These actions usually come from love and a genuine desire to help, but they can have the opposite effect. When consequences are repeatedly softened or removed, the person using substances has less reason to change. The discomfort that may otherwise motivate them to seek help gets absorbed by the family instead.

Recognising enabling in yourself is uncomfortable, but it’s an important step. Ask yourself whether the things you’re doing are genuinely helping your loved one move toward recovery, or whether they’re making it easier for them to keep drinking or using drugs.

Setting boundaries

Boundaries are limits you establish to protect your own well-being while still maintaining a relationship with your loved one. Crucially, they’re not punishments or ultimatums designed to control the other person’s behaviour, but are rules about what you will and won’t accept in your own life.

A boundary might sound like: “I love you, but I won’t lend you money anymore”, or “You’re welcome to visit, but not if you’ve been drinking.” The key is that boundaries focus on what you will do rather than trying to dictate what they should do.

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, particularly if you’re used to prioritising your loved one’s needs above your own. You may worry that saying no will damage the relationship or push them further into addiction. But families who establish clear, consistent boundaries often find that it benefits everyone. Your loved one begins to experience the real consequences of their choices, which can become a catalyst for change. You reclaim some control over your own life.

The hardest part is following through. Boundaries only work when you enforce them consistently. If you say you won’t cover for them at work and then do it anyway, you’ve taught them that your limits aren’t real. This doesn’t mean being harsh or cutting them off entirely, but being honest about what you can and can’t tolerate.

Taking care of yourself

When addiction enters a family, it is common for everything to revolve around the person who is addicted. Your own needs can disappear entirely, but this isn’t sustainable, and it will eventually catch up with you.

As explained above, family members who neglect their own health while caring for, or even just living with, a loved one with addiction often develop their own health problems. Your well-being matters regardless of what’s happening with your loved one.

• Taking care of yourself means different things to different people, but it may include:
• Setting aside time for activities that you enjoy or help you rest
• Maintaining friendships outside the family
• Speaking to a counsellor about what you’re going through

Crucially, it also means reminding yourself of the limits of your power. You didn’t cause your loved one’s addiction, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. What you can do is manage your own responses, protect your own health, and be ready to support them when they’re ready to accept help.

What families can do to support recovery

While you can’t force someone into recovery, the way you engage with them can be critical. Research indicates that family members who provide support, goal direction, and caring monitoring can first have a positive influence on recovery outcomes by reducing the risk of relapse.

This doesn’t mean hovering or controlling, but being available and encouraging when your loved one takes steps toward change. It means celebrating small achievements rather than focusing only on setbacks, and learning about addiction so you can understand what they’re facing without excusing harmful behaviour.

Having honest conversations about your concerns, delivered calmly and without blame, can sometimes open doors. Resources like those provided by Primrose Lodge can advise on intervention and other techniques for encouraging a loved one to enter treatment. Speaking with a professional about how to have these conversations can make them more effective.

If your loved one does enter rehab treatment, stay engaged where it’s safe to do so. Many treatment programmes include family therapy components that can help repair damaged relationships and establish communication. The idea is that recovery is easier to sustain when someone returns to a family environment that has also changed.

Peer and professional support for families

In addition to rehab centres like Primorse Lodge, there are other forms of support available specifically for people affected by a loved one’s addiction.

Peer support groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon provide spaces where family members can share experiences and find community with people who understand. These groups follow a similar structure to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, but are designed for families rather than the person with addiction.

Professional support is also valuable, and family therapists with experience in addiction can help you process your own feelings and develop better ways of coping.

Crucially, if stigma or embarrassment has prevented you from seeking help, you’re not alone in feeling that way. Many families struggle in silence for years before reaching out. The support available can make a significant difference to your own wellbeing and, potentially, to your loved one’s willingness to seek help.

Moving forward

Living with a loved one’s addiction is exhausting and often heartbreaking, but recovery is possible, for them and for you. The strategies in this guide won’t change your situation overnight, but they can help you regain some stability, protect your health, and position yourself to support your loved one when they’re ready.

If you’re looking for professional guidance, Primrose Lodge offers support for both individuals with addiction and their families. Our team can help you understand your options and take the next step.

Contact Primrose Lodge today to find out more about how we can help.